Strange, and awkward times with physicians..

Ok, so I don't have any pictures for this blog, but I do have an interesting story..

So, my back and my knees have been giving me a whole lotta trouble lately. I mean I have always had back problems since High School, but it has gotten A LOT worse!! Anyway I decided to go to the doctor to check things out. Well, my new doctor that I have been going to has been O.K., but he hasn't really been my favorite. I mean he helped me out with some things but this last time was strange. I went in and told him about my back and knees and he said "ok, well lets get some blood work and see what it tells us." So I said "O.K. but I also wanted to mention that I have a small lump on my back and it seems to be really hurtin' there the worst! "Oh" he says, and feels the lump "Oh, thats just a benign cyst."............. Just like that "Oh, thats just a benign cyst." What do I say? "Um, o.k." As I'm walking to my car I'm thinkin' "How the hell does he know that, just by touching it?" Now, I didn't say that to him of course, ohhhhh nooooo. I just walked out, and went to get my blood sucked outta me.

So a few weeks later, I am home doin' my thang, and my phone rings. "Ms. Soseman, this is Dr. Madrid, and I was calling because we got your blood work back".... Ok, this is when I start panicking, cause there is usually only one reason why the doctor calls you!!! Oh my gosh how much time do I have Doc?!!? No, no, I waited to see what he says. So he continues and says "One of your tests came back that said you are positive for Lupus, and one came back negative for Lupus. I am leaning more towards the test that you are negative, because the test that says your positive is not really reliable." Uhhhhh, why would you use a test that is not reliable?!? So he sends me to another doctor who specializes in Lupus kinda things.

I finally get an appointment with this other doctor. She was .... well, she didn't have much of a personality, but she was thorough! She did the whole "does it hurt here, how bout this, or this?"  Then I was like "yes, no, no, yes, kinda" you know the routine. Anyway, she had her nurse suck more blood outta me to take some more tests, and also sent me to get some xrays. She was a little confused at why the last doctor didn't request xrays... as was I.

Ok, now comes the xray time. I find the building that I am supposed to go to and then find the xray office. Now, when I walk in the first thing I see is a beautiful clear fish tank full of beautiful fish. As I keep walking in I see an office full of what I can only describe as a tiki room. I mean, they had grass type stuff hanging over the reception desk, and then below the desk was giant bamboo sticks. Then on the wall were paintings of ocean type shores and protruding out of the wall around the paintings were rocks... yes rocks. A giant, wicker coffee table, with wicker couches covered in palm leaf type cushions. Seriously it was a tropical mess, from ceiling to floor, wall, to wall, I am not exaggerating. I was hoping they would be serving some kind of daiquiri with a little umbrella, and a side of roasted pig. I mean, where were the hulu girls giving me my lai and greeting me at the door in their grass skirts and "Aloha's?" I can't believe of all days I forget my phone, to take pictures of this place! Anyway once I found a seat (cause there were many, many, people in this odd little office), I filled out my paper work, and was thoroughly enthralled in a National Geographic story on Eskimo hunters (very interesting), I was FINALLY called.
 
Then a guy in scrubs walks into to the office, and calls four names, mine included. So we all look around at each other, and awkwardly stand up looking at each other knowing that this was odd that we would all be going in together. Well, the guy says "o.k. just follow me we are going to all go to another office." I turn to him and say (because I AM a smart ass) "hee, hee, feels like we're going on a field trip!!" He says happily "yep, we are goin' on a field trip!" So, we all pile in the elevator.... yes the elevator, and go up a level to a totally different office.

Once in the office, which turns out to be a walk in clinic of some kind, and I sit down next to a guy that was coughing up a lung, and perhaps a kidney, and sniffing the mucus back into his nostrils. I just kept thinking, I wonder if he would find me offensive if I stood up and got a squirt of some of that hand sanitizer at the receptionist counter. Luckily, it didn't take long before he was called back to be diagnosed with some type of FLU I'm sure. ugh!

Ok, of course the guy called me last for xrays. Once he called me he escorted me to the back of the office to the xray room. Right when we get in the room he says "oh good you have shorts on so that will be good for your knee pictures, but you will need to take your bra off, but leave your shirt on." This is when I just stand there and stare at him for a sec... thinking.

 "Um, ok" is all I say. He says "Ok, I will step out of the room and you tell me when you are ready." So I let the girls loose and peek out the door, "ok, I'm ready." This is when he says "wow, that was fast!" Which I reply with "well yeah, I've been doin' it awhile."(Don't forget I'm a smart ass).  After gettin' on the table and stare straight up at the ceiling, in disbelief I am braless, he starts chit chattin'.

Mr.Chatty: "So, what brings you here today"
Me: "Well, my back, and knees have been killin' me lately" "I played high school sports so that may have something to do with it"
Mr. Chatty: "Oh what did you play?"
Me: "Softball"
Mr. Chatty: "You were a pitcher, huh?"
Me: "Yes, yes I was."
Mr. Chatty: "Yeah, I thought so"
Yeah I'm not sure if that is a good thing I look like a pitcher or not. Anyway...
Mr. Chatty: "Do you have kids?"
Me: "Yes, my son is 10, and my daughter is 7"
Mr.Chatty: "same as mine!", "Are you having anymore?"
Me: "Nope, thats it"
Mr.Chatty: "What about your husband, does he want more?"
Me: "Nope, we're done"
Mr. Chatty: "Ok, I got your upper back, now we need your lower back, so what I need you to do is unbutton your shorts, and unzip your zipper."
As he just stars down at me, and I look at him stupified (thats a word, right?) I say: "Uh, o...k"
Mr.Chatty then proceeds to push the flaps open a little more...
Mr. Chatty lightly touches my skin and says: "Oh, is that a little scar there?"
Lips pursed together I reply: "well sorta"
Mr. Chatty: "Did you have surgery?"
Me: "Nope, children... its just a stretch mark"
Mr. Chatty: ((happy like)) "Oh yeah, they do that to you"
Me: still pursed lips "yep!"
Mr. Chatty: "Ok, now I need you to turn on your side"

Me: "sure"... which I really didn't want to do considering I was bra less and I didn't want to move around to much. Oh yeah and by the way it was REALLY cold in the room, and the girls reacted to that as well!!! Ok, moving on..
Mr. Chatty: "ok, just bring one leg up a little higher and the other leg down"..... "Oh here let me move your hair for you"
Me: "uh ok"
Mr. Chatty: "Is this your natural color?"
Me: ((sigh)) "no, no its not"
Mr. Chatty: "Oh is it a brown color"
Me: "well, yeah like chestnut I guess" Sereiously can't beleive I'm talking to this xray technician about my hair color!
Mr. Chatty: "Oh why do you color it?"
Me: (really?) "Well, greys"
Mr.Chatty: "Oh yeah, I just started going gray too!!"
Me: "Yeah, but guys look better with gray hair"..... ugh why did I say that?
Mr.Chatty: "really??"
Me: "I blame my gray hair on my kids, but really I've been going gray since I was 18. (*Notice how I steared away from his "really??" question)
Mr. Chatty: "The other day, my ex-wife brought me the kids and told me I was really going gray!!"
Me: "Oh what a bitch!!"........... JUST KIDDING I didn't say that!
Mr.Chatty: "Ok, we are all done, you can climb down now"
So I climb down, and immediately grab the girls' cozy cubby cups, and stand there waiting for him to finish in the small glass room on the computer.

Mr. Chatty: "Ok, just tell me when you are done

Me: (oh he isnt leaving the room, whilst I replace my bra, on the girls) Uh, o...kaaay.

Mr.Chatty: "Don't worry, I won't turn around..... though its tempting, I'm sure your husband wouldn't like that."

Me: ((nervous laughter))

After my girls were put away he informs me that I can leave the awkward xray room, and return to the awkward waiting room and wait for him to prepare the xrays for me to take home.

Well, finally the pictures were prepared, and I was able to leave the whole lot of craziness. Now, I got there at 9:30, and left at 12:00. Yes, 2 1/2 hours at the xray office!!!

Luckily my Mom was home to hear my crazy story and laugh at me. We went to lunch and that helped me unwind from the madness. Thank our wonderful Lord, for my Mom and her laughter. Oh, and my Mom and I got the xrays out to take a look, to see if we saw anything. This was very, very, funny cause it was like tweedle dee, and tweedle dumb lookin' at a bunch of bones! Yeah, we had no idea what we were looking at.

 

So, in two weeks I have another doctors appointment to see the blood results and show her my xray's and hopefully there will be no craziness in THAT visit! If I remember I will let you know.

Whew!